From f144a4ceab4803f995bfc19b12ec1801a9c2a460 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Samantha Bowman Date: Mon, 10 Mar 2025 12:25:22 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] Update data.json with geek jokes Updated to add jokes and remove chuck norris jokes --- data.json | 1107 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++------------------------- 1 file changed, 590 insertions(+), 517 deletions(-) diff --git a/data.json b/data.json index 6765a15..c27ef3d 100644 --- a/data.json +++ b/data.json @@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ "Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.", "To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.", "CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.", - "The truth is out there. Anybody got the URL?", + "The truth is out there... but it's behind a paywall.", "The Internet: where men are men women are men and children are FBI agents.", "Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else there’s Google.", "The box said ‘Requires Windows Vista or better’. So I installed LINUX.", @@ -14,13 +14,12 @@ "In a world without fences and walls... who needs Gates and Windows?", "C://dos
C://dos.run
run.dos.run", "Bugs come in through open Windows.", - "Penguins love cold... they wont survive the sun.", "Unix is user friendly. It’s just selective about who its friends are.", "Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.", "NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands.", "My daily Unix command list: unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep.", - "Microsoft: “You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.”", - "Erik Naggum: “Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer.”", + "Microsoft: 'You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.'", + "Erik Naggum: 'Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer.'", "Windows isn’t a virus atleast viruses do something.", "Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open Windows.", "Mac users swear by their Mac and PC users swear at their PC.", @@ -34,9 +33,9 @@ "I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly.", "Hey! It compiles! Ship it!", "If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer then you don’t understand the question.", - "The more I C.... the less I see.", + "The more I C, the less I see… unless I debug, then I see way too much.", "COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.", - "Michael Sinz: “Programming is like sex... one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.”", + "Michael Sinz: 'Programming is like sex... one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.'", "If you give someone a program... you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program... you will frustrate them for a lifetime.", "Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.", "My attitude isn’t bad. It’s in beta.", @@ -48,533 +47,30 @@ "If brute force doesn’t solve your problems... then you aren’t using enough.", "SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.", "Evolution is God’s way of issuing upgrades.", - "Linus Torvalds: “Real men don’t use backups... they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.”", + "Linus Torvalds: 'Real men don’t use backups... they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.'", "Hacking is like sex. You get in... you get out... and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.", "There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.", "Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.", "Hand over the calculator... friends don’t let friends derive drunk.", - "An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar. The first one orders a pint... the second one a half pint... the third one a quarter pint… “I understand”... says the bartender – and pours two pints.", + "An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar. The first one orders a pint... the second one a half pint... the third one a quarter pint… 'I understand'... says the bartender – and pours two pints.", "1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d.", "Theres no place like 127.0.0.1", "Real programmers start counting from 0", "If the box says: 'This software requires Windows 7 or better' Does that mean it'll run on Linux?", "I don't see women as objects. I consider each to be in a class of her own.", "I've got a really good UDP joke to tell you, but i don't know if you'll get it", - "MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.", - "If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers \"Two seconds till\". After you ask \"Two seconds to what?\", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.", - "Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.", - "Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.", - "Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.", - "Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a \"Who has more testicles?\" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.", - "There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.", - "When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.", - "Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.", - "Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.", - "According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American \"Trail of Tears\" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.", - "In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.", - "The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.", - "Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell \"What The Hell was That?\".", - "In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.", - "Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.", - "Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... These are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.", - "Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.", - "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.", - "Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.", - "Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.", - "Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling \"Bang!\"", - "The opening scene of the movie \"Saving Private Ryan\" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.", - "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.", - "Chuck Norris originally appeared in the \"Street Fighter II\" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch, Norris replied \"That's no glitch.\"", - "If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.", - "Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.", - "Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.", - "A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.", - "Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... A suicide.", - "Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.", - "What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.", - "Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.", - "There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.", - "Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.", - "CNN was originally created as the \"Chuck Norris Network\" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.", - "Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.", - "The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.", - "When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.", - "Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.", - "Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.", - "The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.", - "Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.", - "Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.", - "Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.", - "When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.", - "Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.", - "Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.", - "There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.", - "When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.", - "Chuck Norris can't finish a \"color by numbers\" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.", - "A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.", - "When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.", - "Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).", - "Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.", - "When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.", - "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.", - "In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.", - "Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.", - "If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.", - "Chuck Norris can divide by zero.", - "The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.", - "Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.", - "Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.", - "When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.", - "While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.", - "When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.", - "When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.", - "Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this \"a slow Tuesday.\"", - "Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.", - "Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.", - "For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.", - "Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.", - "When taking the SAT, write \"Chuck Norris\" for every answer. You will score over 8000.", - "Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.", - "When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.", - "Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.", - "On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.", - "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!", - "In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said \"Get a job\". That is the story of the universe.", - "Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.", - "Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.", - "Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined \"victim\" as \"one who has encountered Chuck Norris\"", - "Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.", - "Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.", - "If you Google search \"Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked\" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.", - "Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.", - "Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.", - "The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.", - "It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.", - "You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.", - "Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.", - "The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.", - "When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.", - "Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.", - "James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.", - "Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.", - "Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.", - "Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.", - "It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.", - "Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.", - "Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.", - "Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.", - "Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.", - "When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.", - "Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.", - "A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.", - "Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.", - "There is in fact an 'I' in Norris, but there is no 'team'. Not even close.", - "Scotty in Star Trek often says \"Ye cannae change the laws of physics.\" This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.", - "An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.", - "Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.", - "Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.", - "Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.", - "Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because \"The Sum of All Fears\" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.", - "Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.", - "Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.", - "The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.", - "Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the \"Circle of Life.\"", - "If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.", - "Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.", - "The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say \"Die slowly\" and \"die quickly\". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.", - "Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.", - "Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.", - "Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.", - "The movie \"Delta Force\" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.", - "Movie trivia: The movie \"Invasion U.S.A.\" is, in fact, a documentary.", - "Chuck Norris does not \"style\" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.", - "There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.", - "A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer", - "It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.", - "Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.", - "Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.", - "Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.", - "Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is \"his\" way.", - "The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.", - "As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.", - "Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.", - "Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.", - "Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: \"Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris\"", - "Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.", - "Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.", - "'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.", - "Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.", - "When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.", - "According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.", - "Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.", - "In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.", - "Chuck Norris? favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.", - "When J. Robert Oppenheimer said \"I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds\", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.", - "Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.", - "In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.", - "Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.", - "If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.", - "If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.", - "Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in \"I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.\"", - "# Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.", - "MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.", - "Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.", - "The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.", - "There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.", - "Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.", - "The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.", - "Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.", - "The Bible was originally titled \"Chuck Norris and Friends\"", - "Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.", - "Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.", - "When Chuck Norris says \"More cowbell\", he MEANS it.", - "On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck givet", - "Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.", - "Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.", - "Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.", - "Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground", - "It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.", - "Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.", - "It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.", - "Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.", - "That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.", - "Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.", - "Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.", - "Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.", - "How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.", - "As President Roosevelt said: \"We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.\"", - "Chuck Norris just says \"no\" to drugs. If he said \"yes\", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.", - "Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.", - "Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store his porn.", - "Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.", - "It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.", - "Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.", - "Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.", - "Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.", - "When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.", - "Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.", - "\"Brokeback Mountain\" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.", - "When God said, \"let there be light\", Chuck Norris said, \"say 'please'.\"", - "Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.", - "One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.", - "Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.", - "Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.", - "When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: \"Do you want fries with that?\". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.", - "Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.", - "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.", - "Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.", - "Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.", - "Chuck Norris's version of a \"chocolate milkshake\" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.", - "In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.", - "Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.", - "Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.", - "Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.", - "The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.", - "Chuck Norris? sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.", - "Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.", - "Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.", - "Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.", - "The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!", - "Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.", - "Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a \"hole.\" Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.", - "Coroners refer to dead people as \"ABC's\". Already Been Chucked.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.", - "Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.", - "How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.", - "The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.", - "When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.", - "If you rearrange the letters in \"Chuck Norris\", they also spell \"Crush Rock In\". The words \"with his fists\" are understood.", - "Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.", - "Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.", - "The original title for Star Wars was \"Skywalker: Texas Ranger\". Starring Chuck Norris.", - "Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for \"Chuck Norris' basement\".", - "The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.", - "Chuck Norris? roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.", - "Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.", - "He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.", - "The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.", - "The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.", - "Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.", - "Chuck Norris can taste lies.", - "Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.", - "One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.", - "Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.", - "Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.", - "They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.", - "Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.", - "When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.", - "4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.", - "Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.", - "The only sure things are Death and Taxes?and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.", - "Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.", - "With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.", - "The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.", - "Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.", - "To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?", - "There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.", - "If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?", - "70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.", - "Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.", - "The pie scene in \"American Pie\" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the \"pie\" was the molten crater of an active volcano.", - "Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.", - "Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.", - "MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.", - "Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.", - "Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.", - "The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.", - "Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.", - "It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.", - "Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.", - "Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with \"obstruction of justice.\" This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.", - "Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.", - "When you say \"no one's perfect\", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.", - "Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.", - "182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.", - "Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.", - "Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.", - "All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.", - "July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.", - "Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.", - "In the medical community, death is referred to as \"Chuck Norris Disease\"", - "Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.", - "If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.", - "In the Words of Julius Caesar, \"Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris\". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.", - "The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, \"But Chuck Norris isn't black\", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.", - "When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.", - "Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.", - "Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.", - "Every time someone uses the word \"intense\", Chuck Norris always replies \"you know what else is intense?\" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.", - "As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.", - "Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.", - "Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him \"a promising Rookie\".", - "There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.", - "President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.", - "Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.", - "What many people dont know is Chuck Norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.", - "Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.", - "Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.", - "Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.", - "Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.", - "The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.", - "Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.", - "Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.", - "A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.", - "Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.", - "Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.", - "Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.", - "When in a bar, you can order a drink called a \"Chuck Norris\". It is also known as a \"Bloody Mary\", if your name happens to be Mary.", - "Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.", - "Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.", - "There?s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.", - "A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is \"Charles\". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.", - "Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.", - "In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.", - "Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.", - "For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.", - "In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.", - "We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.", - "The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.", - "The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.", - "Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.", - "Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.", - "Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.", - "Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.", - "When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.", - "Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.", - "If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.", - "Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.", - "Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.", - "A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.", - "Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.", - "They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.", - "Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.", - "\"Sweating bullets\" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.", - "Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.", - "After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said \"of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?\"", - "Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.", - "When Arnold says \"I'll be back\" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.", - "There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.", - "Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.", - "Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.", - "Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.", - "Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.", - "The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.", - "Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.", - "Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.", - "Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his \"Filet of Child\" sandwich.", - "For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.", - "The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.", - "Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.", - "Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.", - "TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.", - "After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.", - "Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.", - "\"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor\" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.", - "Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.", - "Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.", - "When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.", - "Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.", - "In the movie \"The Matrix\", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green \"falling code\" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.", - "Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.", - "They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.", - "There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.", - "When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.", - "One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't say \"who's your daddy\", because he knows the answer.", - "Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.", - "Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.", - "The term \"Cleveland Steamer\" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.", - "Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.", - "The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.", - "Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.", - "The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.", - "When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.", - "Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.", - "According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.", - "Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.", - "The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was a game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.", - "Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.", - "Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.", - "Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.", - "Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.", - "Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.", - "A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying \"Betcha can't eat just one!\" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.", - "Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.", - "In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.", - "Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as \"acts of God.\"", - "Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.", - "Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.", - "Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.", - "In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.", - "Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.", - "When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.", - "Chuck Norris describes human beings as \"a sociable holder for blood and guts\".", - "Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.", - "Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.", - "Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.", - "Chuck Norris did not \"lose\" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.", - "Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.", - "When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it's across the room.", - "All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.", - "Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.", - "Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().", - "Chuck Norris's first program was kill -9.", - "Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.", - "All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.", - "MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).", - "Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.", - "Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.", - "The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.", - "Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.", - "Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't use web standards as the web will conform to him.", - "\"It works on my machine\" always holds true for Chuck Norris.", - "Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.", - "Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.", - "Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm.", - "Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.", - "Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.", - "When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message \"Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?\".", - "Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.", - "To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types \"Chuck Norris\" before his commands.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.", - "Chuck Norris can access private methods.", - "Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.", - "Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.", - "The class object inherits from Chuck Norris", - "For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1).", - "Bill Gates thinks he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris actually laughed. Once.", - "Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.", - "Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.", - "Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.", - "No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.", - "Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.", - "There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.", - "Chuck Norris breaks RSA 128-bit encrypted codes in milliseconds.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.", - "Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.", - "If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.", - "Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.", - "Chuck Norris's keyboard has the Any key.", - "Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.", - "Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.", - "Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.", - "Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.", - "Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.", - "Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.", - "Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.", - "Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS.", - "Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.", - "Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.", - "Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit \"COMMIT\" in its end.", - "Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.", - "Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.", - "Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.", - "Chuck Norris solved the halting problem.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.", - "Chuck Norris once won a game of connect four in 3 moves.", - "With Chuck Norris P = NP. There's no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions.", - "Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.", - "Chuck Norris can win in a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.", - "Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.", - "Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.", - "No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.", - "No one has ever spoken during review of Chuck Norris' code and lived to tell about it.", - "Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.", "What does a subatomic duck say? Quark.", "Why does a burger have less energy than a steak? A burger is in its ground state.", "Why did I divide sin by tan? Just cos.", "How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.", "Why do fish likes nibbles the size of 2^n? So they can byte", - "Chuck Norris can take a screenshot of his blue screen.", - "There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary, those that don’t, and those that didn't expect a ternary joke.", "Programmer (noun.): A machine that turns coffee into code", "Algorith (noun.): Word used by programmers when... they do not want to explain what they did.", "What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance.", "Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays.", - "What do computers and air conditioners have in common? They both become useless when you open windows.", - "Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? Because they don't C#.", + "Why do programmers have to wear glasses? Because they don't C#.", "A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says \"Hello World!\".", "3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out, because they couldn't find a table.", - "UNIX is user friendly, it's just very particular about who it's friends are.", "Why is C sad? Because C++ told him \"You have no class\".", "Why are fishes illiterate?Because C doesnt have Classes", "Who called it female foeticide and not Binary ?", @@ -584,9 +80,6 @@ "Yuvraj's Batting- 1 1 0 1 1 1 0 0 1 0 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 W.He has specialization in Digital Electronics.", "Why did Microsoft release Windows 10 ( and not windows 9) ?Because 7 8 9", "Gotta love the people who wrote the algorithm for Ola share,They go out of their way to help others", - "When Chuck Norris does a push-up he doesn't go up, the earth goes down", - "Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.", - "Chuck Norris can write an OS in Brainfuck", "Linux: Born to be root. Windows: Born to re-boot", "I can't access Git. I guess I have... commitment issues", "Don't fart in an Apple Store, because they don't have Windows.", @@ -605,5 +98,585 @@ "Why Do programmers always mix up Haloween and Christmas? Because Oct31 == Dec25.", "Why did the programmer die in the shower? The shampoo bottle said: Wash, rinse, repeat.", "A UDP packet walks into a bar. The bartender doesn't acknowledge him.", - "99 Bugs in the Code. 99 Bugs in the Code. You take one down, patch it around, 127 Bugs in the code" -] \ No newline at end of file + "99 Bugs in the Code. 99 Bugs in the Code. You take one down, patch it around, 127 Bugs in the code", + "Why did Mario break up with Peach? ‘It’s-a me, not you!’", + "Why don’t gamers go to space? Afraid of lag.", + "What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room? The living room. (Minecraft joke!)", + "Why did the RPG character go broke? Spent all their gold on side quests.", + "Why did the gamer bring a ladder to the bar? The drinks were on the house!", + "Why do necromancers make great IT support? They revive dead connections.", + "Why do rogues make bad party hosts? They vanish when it's time to clean up.", + "Why are speedrunners bad at relationships? They skip the cutscenes.", + "What’s a Pokémon trainer’s favorite exercise? Squirtle squats.", + "Why did the arcade close? Too many people were pressing its buttons.", + "Why don’t Call of Duty players go fishing? They’re always camping.", + "Why do Tetris players make bad employees? When they fit in, they disappear.", + "Why was the Xbox sad? Too many red flags.", + "Why did the D&D party go broke? They always split the loot.", + "What do you call a bard that tells bad jokes? A pun-dit.", + "Why did the Dark Souls player go to therapy? Past trauma.", + "Why was the wizard bad at relationships? Too many spells.", + "What did the rogue say to the cleric? 'I steal your heart!'", + "What’s a dragon’s favorite drink? Fireball whiskey.", + "Why don’t paladins ever lie? They always stay lawful.", + "Why did the monk refuse to fight? He had inner peace.", + "What’s a rogue’s least favorite candy? Jawbreakers.", + "Why do D&D players love puns? They roll with it.", + "Why did the necromancer fail the exam? He kept raising old problems.", + "Why did the Enderman break up with his girlfriend? She kept looking at him funny.", + "Why did the game developer go broke? Because they kept pressing F to pay respects.", + "What’s a gamer’s favorite type of music? 8-bit tunes!", + "Why do RPG characters never get lost? Because they always follow the quest markers.", + "Why did Bowser become a motivational speaker? He always tells people to keep leveling up!", + "What’s a Pac-Man ghost’s favorite exercise? Running in circles.", + "Why do Minecraft cows make terrible comedians? Their jokes are too mooo-dy!", + "Why was the speedrunner disqualified? They skipped the main event!", + "Why don’t controllers like parties? Too many button mashers!", + "Why did the Skyrim player never get married? They kept taking arrows to the knee.", + "Why don’t NPCs ever finish their tasks? They’re programmed to stay idle.", + "What’s a gamer’s least favorite fruit? Bananas… because of Mario Kart.", + "Why did the melee player switch to ranged? They were tired of close calls.", + "What’s a gamer’s favorite mode of transportation? Fast travel.", + "Why did the speedrunner apply for a job? They wanted to skip the interview cutscene.", + "Why do Fortnite players love picnics? They always bring a battle royale.", + "Why did the fighting game player get arrested? Too many combos in the streets.", + "What’s a gamer’s favorite breakfast? Halo rings.", + "Why did the Final Fantasy character go to therapy? They had too many unresolved storylines.", + "Why was the D&D campaign cancelled? The DM rage quit.", + "Why did the RPG hero never get tired? They had unlimited stamina.", + "What’s a necromancer’s favorite restaurant? Raising Cane’s.", + "Why did the Smash Bros. player bring a broom? To sweep the competition.", + "What’s Link’s favorite snack? Triforce tacos.", + "Why do gamers love summer? Extra XP in real life.", + "Why was the gamer’s dinner always cold? They never paused the game.", + "Why don’t speedrunners get speeding tickets? They use glitches to bypass the cops.", + "Why do RTS players love chess? It’s just a long build order.", + "Why did the battle royale player lose weight? They kept dropping in.", + "What’s a gaming chair’s worst nightmare? A rage quit throw.", + "Why don’t MMO players get lost? They always check the minimap.", + "Why do game devs hate deadlines? Because of feature creep!", + "Why did the tank main get promoted? They always held their ground.", + "Why did the gamer refuse to sleep? They were grinding levels.", + "What’s a noob’s favorite weapon? Spray and pray.", + "Why was the RTS player’s fridge empty? They spent all their resources on upgrades.", + "Why did the loot goblin lose friends? They always stole the last drop.", + "What’s a Soulsborne player’s favorite song? ‘Try Again’ by Aaliyah.", + "Why do MMO players never get invited to parties? They always bring too much grind.", + "Why don’t RPG characters go to therapy? They prefer grinding their issues away.", + "What’s the best pickup line for a gamer? ‘Are you a quest? Because I’d do you daily!’", + "Why did the survival game player eat raw meat? They forgot to craft fire.", + "Why did the fighting game player lose? Bad frame data.", + "Why do battle royales make people anxious? Too many last-circle situations.", + "What’s the best way to annoy a fighting game player? Spam projectiles.", + "Why do RPG players carry everything? Just in case they need that one item later.", + "Why did the support player become a doctor? They loved healing teammates.", + "Why do gamers hate bad WiFi? Lag is the ultimate final boss.", + "Why do gamers hate cutscenes? Unskippable drama.", + "Why did the open-world game take forever? Too many side quests.", + "Why did the healer stop playing? No one appreciated their work.", + "What’s a gaming laptop’s worst fear? Overheating mid-match.", + "Why do game devs love coffee? It powers their respawn cycles.", + "Why do RPG players never retire? New Game Plus.", + "Why do MOBA players love strategy meetings? They call all the plays.", + "Why did the level designer go crazy? Too many invisible walls.", + "Why did the Mario Kart player get mad? Blue shell at the finish line.", + "Why don’t hackers play fair? They prefer cheat codes.", + "What’s a streamer’s favorite game mode? Just Chatting.", + "Why did the battle pass user cry? Their rewards expired.", + "Why do old games never die? They become remasters.", + "Why do gamers love new gear? +10 style points.", + "Why did the sandbox game player quit? They ran out of creativity.", + "What’s a dungeon crawler’s worst enemy? RNG loot tables.", + "Why do gamers love headsets? More immersion.", + "Why do game patches cause drama? Nerfs vs. buffs.", + "Why do MMOs always have grinding? Because easy loot is for casuals.", + "Why did the strategy game player rage quit? Checkmate in two moves.", + "Why do speedrunners hate tutorials? Wasted time.", + "Why don’t battle royale players play chess? No loot drops.", + "Why do sports games players never argue? They just rematch.", + "What’s a completionist’s worst nightmare? Unobtainable trophies.", + "Why did the platformer player scream? Missed the last jump.", + "Why do leaderboard players get stressed? Every match counts.", + "Why do console wars never end? Nostalgia vs. innovation.", + "Why don’t gamers play in the dark? Because they need to see the pixels!", + "Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Light attracts bugs.", + "Why did the coder go broke? Used up all their cache.", + "How do you comfort a JavaScript developer? Console.log them.", + "Why don’t programmers like nature? Too many bugs.", + "Why did the website go to therapy? Too many redirects.", + "Why do coders hate Valentine's Day? They always get rejected.", + "Why did the hacker break up? No connection.", + "Why don’t programmers go to parties? They avoid exceptions.", + "Why was the IT guy in a relationship? He finally found a stable connection.", + "Why do robots never argue? They process things logically.", + "Why don’t AI bots make good friends? They lack emotional inputs.", + "Why was the software engineer bad at relationships? Too many loops.", + "Why did the HTML tag break up with CSS? It didn’t feel styled.", + "What do you call an educated circle? A well-rounded individual.", + "Why did the WiFi router go to therapy? Connection issues.", + "Why don’t programmers go camping? Too afraid of bugs.", + "Why was the Java developer so tired? They kept running on caffeine loops.", + "Why do developers prefer dark humor? It has less overhead.", + "Why did the coder stay single? They had too many unresolved dependencies.", + "Why did the database administrator break up? They lost their key.", + "What’s a computer’s least favorite dance? The crash and burn.", + "Why do programmers hate laundry? They prefer clean code, not dirty clothes.", + "Why did the startup founder break up? The relationship wasn’t scalable.", + "Why did the AI assistant quit its job? It was tired of repetitive tasks.", + "What do programmers eat for breakfast? Loops and coffee.", + "Why don’t programmers need air conditioning? Their code always runs hot.", + "Why do software developers love coffee? It helps them Java.", + "Why did the coder get a job in cybersecurity? They wanted to break things legally.", + "Why do hackers make terrible roommates? They’re always trying to get root access.", + "Why do software engineers never get lost? They always have a map function.", + "Why did the coder fail their driving test? Too many crashes.", + "Why did the IT guy bring a ladder to work? To reach the cloud.", + "Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.", + "What do you call a hacker that fixes bugs? A debugger.", + "Why did the AI get promoted? It had great processing power.", + "Why did the website break up? It had too many 404s in the relationship.", + "Why do Linux users never argue? They prefer open-source discussions.", + "Why did the coder refuse to talk about their feelings? Too many nested issues.", + "What’s a computer’s favorite snack? Microchips.", + "Why did the laptop go to therapy? It had too many memory issues.", + "Why did the IT support guy love his job? He enjoyed troubleshooting relationships.", + "Why don’t tech companies celebrate Halloween? They’re afraid of ghost processes.", + "What did the bug say to the debugger? ‘You’ll never catch me alive!’", + "Why did the cybersecurity expert go broke? They spent all their money on firewalls.", + "Why was the AI assistant so good at poker? It never bluffed.", + "Why do software developers hate elevators? They always get stuck in loops.", + "Why don’t databases trust each other? They always get corrupted.", + "Why do developers love YouTube? It’s the best place for tutorials.", + "Why did the coder’s relationship fail? They tried to debug love, but it wasn’t compiled properly.", + "Why do programmers always carry a backup plan? Because they know things will crash.", + "Why did the web developer get promoted? They had a great site.", + "Why don’t IT professionals make good musicians? They always work in a minor key.", + "Why do coders love whiteboards? They always need more space to think.", + "Why did the server go to therapy? Too many connections issues.", + "What do hackers use to open locked doors? A brute force attack.", + "Why don’t tech startups last long? Too many beta relationships.", + "Why do software engineers love debugging? It’s like a digital treasure hunt.", + "Why did the JavaScript developer break up? Because their relationship was undefined.", + "Why don’t programmers ever get cold? They’re always wrapped in functions.", + "Why do IT guys never get invited to parties? They always bring firewalls.", + "What’s a software engineer’s favorite dance? The infinite loop.", + "Why don’t IT support people ever panic? They always have a backup.", + "Why do coders make terrible chefs? They always forget to close their loops.", + "Why did the robot fail its job interview? It didn’t have enough human experience.", + "Why was the software engineer always calm? Because they could handle exceptions.", + "What’s a programmer’s favorite weapon? A syntax error.", + "Why don’t programmers go outside? The sunlight causes too many reflections.", + "Why did the engineer bring a pencil to the interview? To draw conclusions.", + "Why don’t AI chatbots date? They lack emotional processing.", + "Why do software updates always happen at the worst time? Because Murphy’s Law is an API.", + "Why did the coder refuse to answer the phone? They preferred asynchronous communication.", + "Why was the IT guy so calm in emergencies? He had great error handling.", + "Why do developers prefer headphones? So, they can stay in their own little loop.", + "Why was the programmer always tired? They never stopped executing tasks.", + "Why do programmers love coffee shops? Good Java support.", + "What do you call a group of developers? A stack overflow.", + "Why do IT people always get promoted? They know how to optimize workflows.", + "Why don’t web developers argue? They prefer responsive discussions.", + "Why did the engineer become a magician? He loved pulling solutions out of nowhere.", + "Why do servers make bad relationships? They always crash under pressure.", + "Why did the IT guy bring a USB stick to the party? Just in case he needed to transfer some vibes.", + "What’s a coder’s favorite way to relax? A hard reset.", + "Why do software developers love puns? Because they work in recursive loops.", + "Why do programmers never trust function arguments? Because they always get passed around.", + "What do programmers use to make toast? A Raspberry Pi.", + "Why do developers never have to write books? They have great documentation.", + "Why did the tech startup hire a psychologist? To help debug employee issues.", + "Why did the JavaScript coder go to therapy? They had too many callbacks.", + "Why was the coder bad at making decisions? Too many conditional statements.", + "Why do software engineers make good DJs? They’re great at mixing loops.", + "Why did the algorithm go to school? To get sorted.", + "What’s a computer’s favorite horror movie? The Blue Screen of Death.", + "Why did the coder refuse to date? They were stuck in a loop.", + "What’s a programmer’s favorite superhero? The Debugger.", + "Why do developers love coffee so much? Because without Java, they’d have no class.", + "Why did the software engineer love space? Because it had no bugs.", + "What’s a programmer’s least favorite chore? Cleaning up spaghetti code.", + "Why did the AI go to school? It needed better machine learning.", + "Why can’t you trust an atom? They make up everything!", + "What’s the derivative of Amazon? Prime!", + "Why did the obtuse angle go to therapy? It was never right.", + "Why was the equal sign humble? It knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.", + "Why do statisticians love ice cream? They love sampling everything.", + "What’s a snake’s favorite math subject? Adders.", + "Why do mathematicians love parks? Natural logs.", + "Why do mathematicians avoid sunlight? Sine protection.", + "Why do physicists always win arguments? They keep things stellar.", + "Why did the astronauts break up? They needed space.", + "Why was the astronomy book always positive? It had a good space outlook.", + "Why did the software developer refuse to use stairs? They preferred recursion.", + "What’s an astronaut’s favorite candy? Milky Way bars.", + "Why do researchers love elevators? Because they lift their spirits.", + "Why was the quantum physicist bad at poker? They could never be certain where they were.", + "Why did the chemist break up with physics? No reaction.", + "Why was the fraction afraid of the decimal? It knew it would be terminated.", + "Why do mathematicians love forests? Because they always have roots.", + "Why do physicists always look so serious? Because they’re under a lot of pressure.", + "Why was the astronaut lonely? Because he asked for more space.", + "Why don’t atoms trust each other? They make up everything.", + "What did the biologist wear on their date? Designer genes.", + "Why do biologists look forward to casual Fridays? Because they're allowed to wear genes!", + "Why do chemists love nitrates? Because they’re cheaper than day rates!", + "What did the neutron say to the bartender? ‘How much for a drink?’ The bartender replied, ‘For you? No charge!’", + "Why do mathematicians hate arguing? Because they always have to try to find common denominators.", + "Why don’t astronomers ever get tired? They have infinite energy.", + "Why was the physics book always calm? It had a lot of potential energy.", + "Why don’t biologists ever need therapy? They just evolve past their problems.", + "Why was the math student so cold? Because they had too many degrees!", + "What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long? A πthon!", + "Why was the moon broke? It was down to its last quarter.", + "Why did the electron refuse to leave? It was negative!", + "Why did the mathematician break up? They couldn’t solve their problems.", + "What’s an astronaut’s favorite food? Launch meat.", + "What did one earthquake say to another? ‘You crack me up!’", + "Why did the bacteria go to the party? To spread the fun!", + "Why did the DNA feel cold? It lost its genes.", + "Why did the mitochondria break up with the cell? It needed more energy.", + "Why do biologists always carry pens? They love drawing conclusions.", + "Why did the geometry teacher break up? Too many angles in the relationship.", + "Why do quantum physicists never argue? Because they always agree in superposition.", + "Why did the biology student start a bakery? They loved yeast culture.", + "Why don’t black holes make good comedians? They suck at delivery.", + "What do you call a group of musical numbers? A math band.", + "Why did the scientist refuse to play hide and seek? They always left a trace.", + "Why do statisticians love parks? Great sampling areas.", + "Why was the astronaut bad at dating? They always needed space.", + "Why do physicists love coffee? Because they like strong interactions.", + "Why don’t physicists play poker? They always calculate the odds.", + "Why do chemists love good coffee? Perfect chemical balance.", + "Why did the biologist go to the comedy club? They wanted to hear some organic humor.", + "Why did the number 10 break up with 9? Because 9 was too odd.", + "Why don’t circles trust triangles? They’re always up to something.", + "Why did the robot fail its math test? Too many binary errors.", + "Why did the calculus student sleep so much? They always found their limits.", + "Why did the asteroid go to school? It wanted to be a little boulder.", + "Why don’t physicists tell jokes? They worry about the reaction.", + "Why was the student always late to math class? They got stuck in a tangent.", + "Why do mathematicians hate decimals? Because they always repeat themselves.", + "Why did the scientist refuse to get a haircut? They wanted to keep their lab experience.", + "Why do quantum computers make bad criminals? They can never be certain where they are.", + "Why was the sun always confident? Because it always shines.", + "Why did the triangle refuse to date the circle? They just weren’t on the same plane.", + "Why was the calculus book so good at football? It had the best field theory.", + "Why did the chemistry teacher love cooking? They knew how to balance reactions.", + "Why do biologists always win arguments? They know how to adapt.", + "Why did the scientist go to art school? They wanted to improve their sketchy experiments.", + "Why was the math student kicked out of the club? They couldn't function properly.", + "Why did the algebra teacher go to therapy? Too many unresolved variables.", + "Why did the astronaut take a second job? To moonlight.", + "Why did the math test feel cold? Too many degrees.", + "Why did the physics teacher write a book? They had a lot of potential energy.", + "Why did the scientist refuse to argue? They always preferred logical conclusions.", + "Why do math teachers love geometry? Because it’s always on point.", + "Why did the astronaut bring a ladder? To reach new heights.", + "Why did the math teacher break up with the science teacher? Too many mixed signals.", + "Why do statistics professors love jokes? They find them mean-ingful.", + "Why do biologists always carry a microscope? To zoom in on the details.", + "Why was the DNA strand always late? It was stuck in a double helix.", + "Why don’t mathematicians get lost? They always have a compass.", + "Why did the calculus student stop running? They hit a limit.", + "Why do engineers love Legos? They enjoy structural integrity.", + "Why did the quantum physicist get lost? Their position was uncertain.", + "Why do astronauts always win arguments? They have a universal perspective.", + "Why was the student confused about exponential growth? Because it escalated so quickly!", + "Why did the biology book go to the doctor? It had too many cells.", + "Why did the function break up with the loop? It found someone more dynamic.", + "Why do geologists make good friends? They’re down to earth.", + "Why did the geometry student fail? They didn’t understand the angles.", + "Why do math teachers love calculus? They love limits.", + "Why did the astronaut refuse to sit down? They were always on the rise.", + "Why did the geometry student break up? Too many acute issues.", + "Why did the scientist become a magician? They loved making things disappear.", + "Why do physicists love waves? They always go with the flow.", + "Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.", + "What’s a Jedi’s favorite dessert? Obi-Wan Cannoli.", + "What’s Spock’s favorite pasta? Vulcan-ellini.", + "Why don’t stormtroopers play baseball? They always miss.", + "Why did Gandalf get kicked out of the comedy club? ‘You shall not pass!’", + "What’s Darth Vader’s least favorite music? Light rock.", + "What’s Batman’s favorite shift? The knight shift.", + "Why don’t Sith Lords do yoga? Because they’re already flexible with the truth.", + "Why did Loki open a bank? To invest in mischief funds.", + "Why did Tony Stark go broke? He spent all his money on iron.", + "Why do Sith Lords make great bakers? Because they always use the dark side.", + "What’s a Mandalorian’s favorite drink? This is the whey.", + "Why do superheroes never get sick? They always have super immunity.", + "Why did the rebel pilot get fired? He couldn’t stay on target.", + "Why do Time Lords love calendars? They’re always keeping track of the past, present, and future.", + "Why did Han Solo cry? Because Chewie was a little ‘ruff’ on him.", + "Why was Frodo bad at poker? Because he always had one ring.", + "Why was Superman the worst baseball player? He always flew out.", + "Why did Thanos refuse to play games? He doesn’t like Half-Life.", + "Why don’t Starfleet officers ever get lost? They always boldly go where no one has gone before.", + "Why did the droid break up with its girlfriend? Too many reboots.", + "Why did the Mandalorian start a delivery service? Because this is the way!", + "Why did Darth Vader’s wife leave him? Because he was too controlling.", + "Why don’t Sith Lords use pencils? Because they always go to the dark side.", + "Why did the TARDIS apply for a job? It wanted better time management.", + "Why did Gandalf open a bakery? Because he kneaded the dough.", + "Why did Batman get kicked out of the orchestra? He always played in the dark key.", + "Why do Jedi never use GPS? They always feel the Force guiding them.", + "Why did the Star Wars fan bring a ladder? To reach the high ground.", + "Why did Luke Skywalker always carry a pencil? To draw his lightsaber.", + "Why did Captain America fail his history test? He kept writing, 'I was there.'", + "Why was Thor nervous at his first date? Because he didn’t want to get hammered.", + "Why don’t Wookiees use smartphones? They always have bad reception.", + "Why did the Hulk start a construction company? Because he smashes expectations.", + "Why do the Avengers always win fights? Because they assemble well.", + "Why did the Fantastic Four open a restaurant? Because they serve fantastic meals.", + "Why did Spider-Man break up? He felt too tangled in the relationship.", + "Why don’t stormtroopers ever win fights? They miss every shot.", + "Why was Loki bad at hide-and-seek? Because he always gave away his location.", + "Why do Jedi make bad comedians? Their jokes are too forced.", + "Why did Tony Stark never have any free time? He was always Iron-ing things out.", + "Why did Doctor Strange get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field of time travel.", + "Why did Boba Fett become a bounty hunter? He wanted to make a quick credits grab.", + "Why did the Millennium Falcon never get a parking ticket? It always parked in hyperspace.", + "Why was the Death Star so bad at making friends? It had serious trust issues.", + "Why don’t Sith Lords take naps? Because they don’t rest until they’ve turned you.", + "Why don’t the Avengers play baseball? Because Hulk always smashes the ball out of the park.", + "Why did Thanos love gymnastics? Because he was all about balance.", + "Why was Deadpool a terrible teacher? He kept breaking the fourth wall.", + "Why did the TARDIS get a speeding ticket? It moved through a restricted time zone.", + "Why did Chewbacca become a hairdresser? Because he knows how to style fur.", + "Why was the Batmobile always clean? Because Batman takes good care of his gadgets.", + "Why did Yoda get a job as a life coach? Because he was wise beyond his years.", + "Why did Black Widow refuse to go to karaoke? She didn’t want to reveal classified information.", + "Why do superheroes love fast food? Because they always need a quick bite.", + "Why don’t Sith Lords need sunscreen? Because they embrace the dark side.", + "Why did Spider-Man open a web development company? Because he was great at networking.", + "Why was Captain America terrible at dating? Because he never knew what century he was in.", + "Why did Batman refuse to use the subway? He preferred the Batmobile.", + "Why do Avengers always work together? Because teamwork makes the dream work.", + "Why do the X-Men make great coworkers? Because they always have a plan X.", + "Why did Groot start a gardening service? Because he is Groot.", + "Why did Thor open a gym? Because he had the strongest workout routine.", + "Why did the Justice League start a business? Because they had super savings.", + "Why did the Avengers start a rock band? Because they had smashing hits.", + "Why do superheroes always have capes? To catch the wind of justice.", + "Why was Vision so good at chess? Because he always saw the future moves.", + "Why don’t Jedi write books? Because they prefer oral tradition.", + "Why did Doctor Strange always win board games? He could see all possible outcomes.", + "Why don’t Kryptonians make good salesmen? Because they have no weaknesses.", + "Why did the Hulk never get hired? Because he was too much of a smash hit.", + "Why did the Avengers throw a party? Because they needed to assemble.", + "Why did Tony Stark never take a break? Because he was always working on his next Iron-clad idea.", + "Why did the Justice League start a law firm? Because they fight for justice.", + "Why did Doctor Doom get a therapist? He had too many issues.", + "Why did Ultron start a book club? Because he wanted to download more knowledge.", + "Why did the Guardians of the Galaxy start a concert tour? Because they had the best mixtape.", + "Why did Star-Lord always get lost? Because he danced instead of reading maps.", + "Why did Batman take a vacation? Because Gotham was too dark for too long.", + "Why did Captain Marvel switch to renewable energy? Because she was powered by the stars.", + "Why did Superman stop working out? Because he already had super strength.", + "Why don’t Jedi use umbrellas? Because they prefer using the Force.", + "Why did the Flash become a mailman? Because he delivers in record time.", + "Why did Spider-Man hate laundry? Because he always found webs in his clothes.", + "Why did Deadpool refuse to watch a serious movie? He couldn’t stop making jokes.", + "Why did Thor take up pottery? Because he loves to hammer things.", + "Why did Batman enroll in night school? Because he’s a night owl.", + "Why did Wolverine start a salon? Because he gives the best cuts.", + "Why don’t Mandalorians use chairs? Because this is the way… to stand.", + "Why did Darth Vader start a podcast? He wanted to breathe new life into old stories.", + "Why do Sith Lords always win arguments? They have a strong force of persuasion.", + "Why did Thor refuse to play hide and seek? Because he always gets hammered.", + "Why did Doctor Strange become a DJ? Because he knew how to drop the beat in different dimensions.", + "Why did Yoda become a yoga instructor? Because he’s good at balance.", + "Why did Captain America hate history class? He kept correcting the textbooks.", + "Why did the Millennium Falcon fail inspection? Too many smuggled modifications.", + "Why do Klingons never make good therapists? They believe in tough love, literally.", + "Why don’t Jedi ever need a flashlight? Because they always have a lightsaber on hand.", + "Why did Galactus open a restaurant? He was tired of eating planets.", + "Why did Wolverine start a tailoring business? Because he always had sharp suits.", + "Why did the Bat-Signal need a backup generator? Gotham is always dark.", + "Why did Captain America refuse to fight Thanos again? He was tired of Infinity Wars.", + "Why did Superman avoid social media? He didn’t want to reveal his real identity.", + "Why did Doctor Doom fail therapy? He kept blaming Reed Richards for everything.", + "Why did Spider-Man fail his driver’s test? He tried swinging through traffic.", + "Why did Chewbacca start a shampoo brand? He knows what Wookies need.", + "Why did Boba Fett never lose a bounty? Because he always had a plan to Fett-ch them.", + "Why did Sauron start an optometry business? He wanted to keep an eye on things.", + "Why did the Enterprise crew take a day off? They needed to recharge their warp core.", + "Why don’t Sith Lords play chess? They only care about the dark knights.", + "Why did Loki always carry a mirror? To reflect on his mischief.", + "Why did the Joker go to comedy school? To perfect his killing jokes.", + "Why did Gandalf invest in public transport? Because he believed in taking the long way around.", + "Why did the Avengers start a cleaning service? Because they always assemble the mess.", + "Why did Batman take a job as a detective? He already had the bat skills.", + "Why did the Flash get banned from racing? He kept breaking speed limits.", + "Why did Rocket Raccoon start a band? He already had Groot playing bass.", + "Why did Doctor Who avoid horror movies? Too many paradoxes.", + "Why did the Hulk stop shopping online? He kept smashing the checkout button.", + "Why did Voldemort lose his magic license? He refused to sign his name.", + "Why did Optimus Prime become a motivational speaker? He’s always transforming lives.", + "Why did the Jedi open a meditation retreat? Because balance is key.", + "Why did Darth Maul refuse therapy? He was already split in two.", + "Why don’t superheroes go to therapy? Because they always bottle up their powers.", + "Why did Captain Marvel get hired so quickly? Her resume was out of this world.", + "Why did Obi-Wan refuse a promotion? He already had the high ground.", + "Why did Doctor Strange become a chef? He had great time management.", + "Why did Frodo fail his speech class? He kept whispering about the precious.", + "Why did Starfleet introduce HR policies? To handle all the red-shirt complaints.", + "Why did Iron Man install extra locks? He didn’t trust anyone after Civil War.", + "Why did Gollum go viral on TikTok? Because he always had precious content.", + "Why did Drax fail at poker? He was too literal about his poker face.", + "Why did Deadpool start a cooking show? Because he loves making chimichangas.", + "Why did Harry Potter refuse to use a GPS? He had the Marauder’s Map.", + "Why did The Flash become a pizza delivery guy? Fastest delivery ever.", + "Why did the Night King start a refrigeration company? He knows how to keep things cool.", + "Why did Palpatine love roller coasters? He enjoyed unlimited power drops.", + "Why did Sherlock Holmes fail as a magician? He always revealed how the trick worked.", + "Why did Thanos refuse to play Monopoly? He hated losing half his assets.", + "Why did Venom start a cooking channel? Because he loves biting into things.", + "Why did Ant-Man love concerts? He always got the best small-stage view.", + "Why did Star Wars fans start a gardening club? They love growing the Force.", + "Why did Groot open a library? Because he has deep roots in literature.", + "Why did Neo stop eating fast food? He chose the red pill instead.", + "Why did the Stormtrooper get kicked out of the army? He kept missing his shots.", + "Why did Captain America love baseball? He always plays fair.", + "Why did Doctor Doom never laugh at jokes? He takes everything literally.", + "Why did the Star Trek crew never need Google? Because they already knew where no one had gone before.", + "Why did Legolas refuse to play darts? He was too good at hitting bullseyes.", + "Why did Wanda Maximoff refuse to play cards? She didn’t trust the reality of the deck.", + "Why did Kylo Ren go to therapy? He had serious daddy issues.", + "Why did John Wick never lose at chess? Because he never forgives a pawn.", + "Why did C-3PO start a podcast? He loves translating ideas.", + "Why did the T-800 start a gym? Because it helps people terminate fat.", + "Why did the One Ring refuse to be pawned? It was too precious.", + "Why did the Time Variance Authority shut down a bookstore? Too many alternate endings.", + "Why did the Joker get arrested at a comedy club? His jokes were too dark.", + "Why did Sam Wilson open a travel agency? Because he knows how to take flight.", + "Why did the Sandman refuse a wake-up call? He prefers dreams.", + "Why did R2-D2 win a singing contest? Because he had great beeps.", + "Why did Marty McFly fail history class? He kept correcting the teacher.", + "Why did Batman refuse to use an iPhone? Because he prefers the Bat Signal.", + "Why did the Hulk stop playing chess? He always flipped the board.", + "Why did Magneto start a recycling business? He controls all metals.", + "Why did Dumbledore get into management? He always had a plan.", + "Why did Sonic open a delivery service? Fastest shipping in the world.", + "Why did Loki love Twitter? He enjoys spreading chaos.", + "Why did Spider-Man start a sewing business? He was great at stitching things together.", + "Why did Thor get kicked out of the party? He kept bringing the hammer down.", + "Why did Gandalf get lost in the mall? Because he refused to ask for directions.", + "Why did Doctor Strange refuse to play board games? He had already seen every possible outcome.", + "Why did the Millennium Falcon win the drag race? Because it made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.", + "Why did Sauron become a motivational speaker? Because he always kept an eye on the prize.", + "Why did Deadpool start a reality TV show? Because he loves breaking the fourth wall.", + "Why did Loki refuse to settle down? Because he loves causing mischief too much.", + "Why did Captain Marvel refuse to use a flashlight? Because she glows in the dark.", + "Why did Iron Man switch to solar energy? Because arc reactors are expensive.", + "Why did Batman build a second Batcave? In case the first one had too many bats.", + "Why did Obi-Wan refuse to play checkers? Because he only plays the long game.", + "Why did Palpatine never go on roller coasters? Because he doesn’t like losing control.", + "Why did the Flash get kicked out of the Olympic trials? He was too fast for drug testing.", + "Why did Star-Lord start a radio station? Because he always has the best mixtapes.", + "Why did Hulk become a demolition expert? Because smashing is his specialty.", + "Why did Venom refuse to eat salads? Because he prefers brains.", + "Why did Kylo Ren cry at the movie theater? Because it reminded him of his father.", + "Why did Magneto start an auto repair shop? Because he’s great at fixing metal.", + "Why did the Fantastic Four never lose at tag? Because they always stick together.", + "Why did Thanos open a law firm? Because he believes in bringing balance to the court.", + "Why did Gandalf never need a flashlight? Because he always shines bright in the darkest moments.", + "Why did Dumbledore become a chess champion? Because he always had a plan.", + "Why did Sonic the Hedgehog refuse to drive? Because he’s faster on foot.", + "Why did the Green Lantern start a landscaping business? Because he’s great at making things grow.", + "Why did Starfleet get rid of vending machines? Because the replicators do it better.", + "Why did the X-Men always win debates? Because Professor X knows what everyone is thinking.", + "Why did Groot start a forest preservation campaign? Because he is Groot.", + "Why did Wonder Woman start a delivery service? Because she always gets the job done with her lasso of truth.", + "Why did Captain America stop playing chess? Because he didn’t like sacrificing his pawns.", + "Why did Optimus Prime never get a parking ticket? Because he can transform and roll out.", + "Why did Batman invest in stocks? Because he always has a contingency plan.", + "Why did the Joker never get a speeding ticket? Because chaos has no limits.", + "Why did Gandalf always win at poker? Because he always had the best magic tricks up his sleeve.", + "Why did Doctor Strange never lose at tic-tac-toe? Because he saw every possible move in advance.", + "Why did Thor stop eating at buffets? Because he always made a thunderous mess.", + "Why did Darth Vader hate holidays? Because they reminded him of family.", + "Why did the Ninja Turtles refuse to retire? Because heroes in a half-shell never quit.", + "Why did Wolverine start a gym? Because he never skips arm day.", + "Why did Doctor Octopus become a DJ? Because he’s got more hands for mixing beats.", + "Why did Tony Stark stop gambling? Because he always bet on himself.", + "Why did the Stormtrooper quit his job? Because he could never hit his targets.", + "Why did Kylo Ren break his computer? Because the dark side told him to smash it.", + "Why did Deadpool get banned from movie theaters? Because he talks too much during the film.", + "Why did Black Widow refuse to join a knitting club? Because she’s better at untangling webs than making them.", + "Why did Captain Marvel fly commercial airlines? Because she’s faster than any plane.", + "Why did Doctor Strange always carry a pocket watch? To keep track of alternate timelines.", + "Why did Batman never need a bodyguard? Because he is the bodyguard.", + "Why did Yoda start a yoga studio? Because balance, you must find.", + "Why did Spider-Man open a trampoline park? Because he knows how to catch people when they fall.", + "Why did Rocket Raccoon open a weapons store? Because he loves big guns.", + "Why did Thor start a bakery? Because he knows how to handle the dough.", + "Why did Drax get confused in a comedy club? Because he takes everything literally.", + "Why did the Invisible Woman make a great spy? Because nobody could see her coming.", + "Why did the Hulk start anger management classes? Because he was tired of smashing everything.", + "Why did Palpatine get fired from HR? Because unlimited power isn’t a valid leadership style.", + "Why did Gandalf never lose at debates? Because he always had the final word.", + "Why did the TARDIS get a reality TV show? Because it always travels to the most dramatic moments in history.", + "Why did Lando always win at poker? Because he always had a smooth hand.", + "Why did Thanos never lose at chess? Because he plays the long game.", + "Why did Captain America refuse to play Call of Duty? Because he already lived through World War II.", + "Why did R2-D2 become a DJ? Because he always drops the sickest beeps.", + "Why did C-3PO start a translation business? Because he speaks over 6 million forms of communication.", + "Why did Starfleet officers always have great skin? Because they use universal moisturizer.", + "Why did the Guardians of the Galaxy start a dance contest? Because Star-Lord loves a good mix tape.", + "Why did Wolverine start a knife shop? Because he knows good blades when he sees them.", + "Why did Hawkeye refuse to play darts? Because he never misses.", + "Why did Loki refuse to play Monopoly? Because he always caused chaos.", + "Why did Darth Vader hate karaoke night? Because his heavy breathing messed up the mic.", + "Why did Wonder Woman become a motivational speaker? Because she tells the truth with her lasso.", + "Why did Starfleet upgrade their Wi-Fi? Because their old connection was lost in space.", + "Why did Galactus start a food blog? Because he eats planets for a living.", + "Why did Drax become a bodyguard? Because he doesn’t understand metaphors.", + "Why did the Flash open a delivery service? Because he guarantees next-second shipping.", + "Why did Deadpool refuse to wear a suit? Because he prefers maximum effort, not maximum fashion.", + "Why did Batman get audited? Because the Batcave is suspiciously off the books.", + "Why did the student wear glasses in math class? To improve di-vision.", + "Why did the fraction feel bad? It was improper.", + "Why do circles always win arguments? Because they’re well-rounded.", + "What’s a math teacher’s favorite season? Sum-mer!", + "Why do mathematicians love hiking? Because they love finding their limits.", + "Why did the zero break up with the eight? Because she thought he was too square.", + "Why did the student eat their homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!", + "What’s a math teacher’s favorite place to shop? The department of functions.", + "Why did the calculus student always carry a ruler? To measure up to expectations.", + "Why do mathematicians hate surprises? Because they prefer expected values.", + "Why do algebra teachers always have balance? Because they deal with equal equations.", + "What’s a mathematician’s favorite instrument? A triangle!", + "Why was the number afraid of 7? Because 7 8 (ate) 9!", + "Why do statisticians love concerts? Because they love sampling the crowd.", + "Why did the algebra book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.", + "Why did the student get detention in math class? They kept dividing attention.", + "Why don’t parallel lines date? Because they never meet.", + "Why did the geometry teacher go to jail? Because they committed a tangent crime.", + "Why don’t mathematicians throw trash on the ground? Because they like to keep things in order.", + "Why did the two fours skip lunch? Because they already eight.", + "Why do mathematicians always look stressed? Because they have too many variables to solve.", + "What’s a statistician’s favorite dance? The line of best fit!", + "Why don’t mathematicians argue? Because they always try to find the mean.", + "Why do calculus students throw the best parties? Because they know how to integrate.", + "Why did the right triangle break up with the isosceles triangle? It just wasn’t the right fit.", + "Why don’t mathematicians trust graphs? Because they always stretch the truth!", + "Why do math teachers always smile? Because they love positive numbers.", + "What’s a geometry teacher’s favorite plant? Square roots!", + "Why was the decimal so happy? Because it had a point!", + "Why don’t mathematicians sunbathe? Too much exposure to the rays.", + "Why do angles make great friends? Because they’re always right!", + "What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A roamin’ numeral.", + "Why did the mathematician quit their job? Too many problems.", + "Why was the number line upset? It felt like it was going in circles.", + "Why did the fraction go to therapy? It needed to simplify its issues.", + "Why was the geometry book so popular? Because it had so many good angles.", + "Why did the mathematician break up with their calculator? It just wasn’t adding up anymore.", + "Why do math teachers love road trips? Because they love plotting their course.", + "Why did the function go to therapy? It needed to find its domain.", + "Why do statisticians never get lost? They always take the average path.", + "Why do circles never tell lies? Because they’re completely straightforward.", + "Why was the math student always sleepy? Because they were constantly dealing with sine waves.", + "Why did the number five hate fractions? Because they always made him feel divided.", + "Why do mathematicians love their work? Because every problem has a solution!" +]